No one warned me how hard it was going to be! Our 23-year-old son left home over Easter to go flatting with good friends and I had a bit of a motherly meltdown!

They’d been planning the venture for several months – a group of friends all from our church – and I thought I was prepared. But I wasn’t. I didn’t anticipate the emotions his departure stirred up.

It was different when his older sister left home because she was getting married and living close by. When you’ve conceived and nurtured a child inside you, laboured them into the world then loved, cherished and raised them it is so hard to let go! Perhaps you never do. My 92-year-old mum still worries about me, her 52-year-old daughter, bless her.

Our son is just across the city – it’s not like he moved across the world. But I miss him in so many ways. His bedroom seems empty. (The pantry, on the other hand, seems fuller!) I confess I actually sprayed some of his body spray around his room just so it still smelt like him.

We helped him move in to his new abode, so at least I can visualise him in his new “home.” 

Even though we still have two offspring at home, it’s a wrench.Then I feel guilty, foolish and selfish because we know too many families whose beautiful children have died and they are never coming home. 

When Duncan reminded me our 16-year-old daughter won’t be leaving home for a number of years, I replied in a wobbly voice, only half joking, that she is never allowed to go!

As I took part in our community walk-the-cross service on Good Friday and the sunrise celebration service at Maraetai Beach on Easter Sunday, I think it really dawned on me for the first time how much God must have hurt as he watched his only son crucified and laid out dead in a tomb.

As for Mary, I don’t know how she bore it. Her mother’s heart must have been torn apart.

Of course God knew the ending, but I’m sure it was no less excruciating for him to stay his hand and let his son endure agony and death for the sins of a thankless world.

They say parenting can be thankless, but it is the most amazing privilege God gives us – to raise the next generation to lead our world, for better or for worse.

So although I’m sad, I know we’ve raised an awesome young man with a strong faith who’s ready to take his place in the world. We send him out into that world with all our love and blessings. 

Besides, he’s already been home for dinner twice. We’re looking forward to his uni graduation next week and I know I’ll always be his mum, wherever in the world he is.

– Fran Pardon